I’ve realised that rather than looking at my haircut as just a haircut, I’ve been looking at it as different. In treating my own short hair as “other”, I’m maintaining the negative stereotypes and assumptions that are associated with it. I’m also still seeing my hair as an extension of me, as part of what makes me, me. It’s not. I think that’s why feeling upset the other day threw me for such a loop. It’s so unlike me. And feeling like that made me angry at society for “judging me”. Even though they definitely weren’t.
I think that’s why I don’t see myself as brave for cutting my hair. I understand that I could be seen as brave in a sense for trying to opt out of the status that is associated with hair and the identity that I associated with my hair. But I think that focusing on that simply perpetuates the “otherness” of women with short hair. And that’s what I’m trying to stop. I need to stop thinking about what I’m going to do with my hair, or whether I’m going to grow it again, because that simply turns my hair into an idol again. I need to see myself as a woman fullstop, not a woman with short hair.
I did have my first “negative” interactions about about my hair this week. Granted, it was people joking about me being “butch” and questioning my sexuality over drinks, but it was my first actual interaction with what I had been feeling in my head. Had they not been joking, I think that I would have been really angry that they made those assumptions of me. But, I need to be careful not to become overly confrontational on the days when I’m feeling judged or down, because otherwise I might further other peoples’ negative associations of women with short hair. I need to be able to lovingly talk to people, in order to help deconstruct these views, just like I’m learning to lovingly talk to myself to deconstruct my own views.