Day 10- I am my own worst critic

I will always be my own worst critic. We are hard-wired to critique ourselves, to try and better ourselves. Unfortunately, this criticism is often destructive, especially when it is related to how we look. I started this blog and cut my hair with the intention of letting go of all these “things” in my life,  and learning to depend on and trust God and His joy. I expected to have ups and downs. I expected bad days, days when I would hate my hair. I expected to need to wait for the bad days to pass, and to need to blog about them in order to make sure that I’m being totally honest.

What I didn’t expect was to connect with so many people in the process. I cannot get over how much support I received yesterday. I was inundated by kind words, advice and love. I have been so incredibly overwhelmed over the last 24 hours. And incredibly proud and privileged to have such amazing people in my life.

Being independent, doesn’t mean not needing support. It means knowing when to ask for support. In order to help others, you need to look after yourself. I’ve always said that asking for support shows strength, not weakness, and I’m lucky to have that mindset.  I have been blessed with so many people that I can depend on for support. God definitely puts each and every person in our lives to support us and to help us grow. In learning to depend on them, I am learning to depend on Him. In learning to be vulnerable, I’m also learning how to be stronger.

I’ve received some VERY sage advice recently, from some very wise people. I need to believe in myself. I need to tell the reflection that it’s beautiful. I need to remember to save some of the love that I’m so keen to spread, for myself- it is a heart full of love that wins first place, not a head full of hair.

People are going to judge, haters gon’ hate as they say. But the people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter don’t mind. Also, I bet that half of the judgements I feel  are in my imagination! People are fundamentally good. I genuinely believe that, so I need to stop projecting my own negativity. I don’t need to hate on myself. I need to ignore these negative thoughts that I use to tear myself down. The things I tell myself, I would NEVER tell a friend. I am my own friend, and I deserve to treat myself the way that I treat them. We are all here to support each other, not tear each other, or ourselves down.

In God’s eyes I am exactly as He made me.



Day 10- I am my own worst critic

Day 4-Gymming without hair is like flying without wings

Gymming without having to constantly bat my hair out of my eyes and re-tie it every five minutes, is GLORIOUS. Rather than being distracted, I’m able to concentrate on pushing my body and seeing what it can do, and that’s kinda refreshing! Granted, there have been some serious teething issues with my new hair (like when I first washed it and used the same amount of shampoo as I normally would and ended up with more suds in my eyes than I’ve ever had, or how I still wince a little every time that I look in the mirror), but gymming with no hair is truly fabulous!

The human body really is a wonderful thing. The things the body can do are incredible. Not only can it swim oceans and climb mountains, but it can also heal itself, or even discover cures to help other bodies heal themselves! That’s phenomenal. And yet we spend time worrying about what they look like, when we could be marvelling about what they can do? Every body can do something different, and can be trained to do new things. We should focus on what our bodies can do, and not what they look like. I know that’s easier said than done though, especially since bodies get battered throughout life, and some bodies cannot do what what other bodies easily can.

I’m thankful for my body. I’m thankful that it is healthy and is able to do awesome things, and that I will learn even more about it and what it can do now that I’m not being distracted by my hair. I, like everyone, am made in the image of God. That in itself is amazing. But I think that I have never grasped the gravity of that before, because it’s such a hard thing to grasp when you’re busy criticising your body for what it looks like. I hope that as I continue to learn and reflect on what my body can do, and not what it looks like, I hope that I come closer to understanding what it actually means to be made in the image of God. I hope that when I begin to understand what it means to be made in the image of a perfect God, that I can begin to respect myself and my body a little more. We are constantly being bombarded by the media with reasons to not respect ourselves, and reasons to put ourselves down. But in God’s infinite wisdom he has made me an individual, exactly as I am meant to be. I am the only me there ever was, and there ever will be. And you are the only you. If I can fully understand what it means to be made in God’s image, then maybe I can grasp the full possibilities of what I am capable of, and realise my full potential.

Day 4-Gymming without hair is like flying without wings