Since it’s Palm Sunday, today at church the sermon was about the Easter story. And the thing from the sermon and the bible reading (John 18 v1-11) that stood out to me most was that God was in entire control that whole time. Even during the darkest times when it might have seemed like His plan was going wrong, He was totally in control. It was all in His wonderful plan for humanity.
It made me realise the change in myself. Learning to trust God throughout this whole process for me has been quite the experience- trusting that shaving my head was the right decision to make at the time, going through with it and starting this journey. It’s so easy to tell myself that God is in control, to repeat the mantra that it will all be alright in the end, and don’t worry because it is in God’s hands. But to truly believe that and live it out is difficult. It’s silly because I should spend my time marvelling at the fact that I am able to leave all my worries with God, but instead I have always spent my time stressing about the future, and what people think of me, and whether I’m doing the right thing.
As I’m nearing the end of my degree I have so many questions about what is to come next in my life- where will I live, what will I do, who will be my friends. And I don’t doubt that I will have these questions for a long time to come. The difference is that I now have the assured confidence that I will have the strength and know-how to get through whatever comes my way. Over the last 39 days I have begun to appreciate God’s sovereignty within my own life, and with that has come a great sense of peace. His plan is more amazing than anything I could imagine, so what do I have to be anxious over? I have learnt to place my worries in his hands, and to just live and love.
Let me not lie, I am not a MASSIVE fan of how my hair looks. I really do wince every time I look in the mirror. I even keep forgetting that my long hair isn’t there! I genuinely tried to put a clip in it last night whilst absent-mindedly watching TV, and couldn’t understand why it kept falling out! I’ve come way from home for a little holiday this week, AND I PACKED MY HAIR STRAIGHTENERS! I then proceeded to sheepishly take them out of my bag, and had a good giggle.
No. I’m not fishing for compliments. Believe me, I’ve received enough of those recently to last a lifetime (thanks everyone!). It’s just that I’m totally not used to seeing myself like this. My hair was a decade long habit…it’s gonna take a while to kick!
As a third culture kid, I’ve moved around a lot so I’m used to changes in my life. I know that soon enough this change won’t feel new and strange anymore, but it will feel comfortable, and I will grow to love the way it looks. I’m worried that when that happens though, I will stop the reflection and personal growth that I’m currently experiencing, and I will stop looking for ways to spread love.
But, the point is, this doesn’t matter. Yesterday I received the loveliest message off of someone who I haven’t spoken to in YEARS, and this person wished that I may “wake up every morning, look in the mirror and proceed with purpose.” That is an amazing, and incredibly humbling wish, and one that I’d like to extend to everyone that reads this blog. Humans are filled with love, and want ways to spread it and do good things. Sadly, sometimes the world that we live in can make this very hard.
Corrie ten Boon wrote that every experience that God gives us, every person that He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future that only He can see. On the days when I’m feeling down and I’m wanting to invest in some serious hair extensions, or when the day finally comes that I look in the mirror and think “Helloooooo sexy” (and not, “No no no no noooooo”), it’s this trust in God that I need to remember.